Dishonored
by catloversjt
Summary: "How easy it was to lose everything you had always thought you'd have forever." - Cassandra Clare
1. Broken

All was normal in the lair. As normal as it could be, anyway.

Leonardo sat comfortably a few feet before the television screen, staring at the motion picture intently. He was watching Space Heroes. Again. He was addicted to it; along with that stupid fictional character, Captain Ryan.

Donatello was at the table, blueprints spread out in front of him. He was murmuring some nonsense that had to do with mutagen and the Kraang, but that was all that could be understood by anybody else. He seemed to be planning absorbedly, so his brothers deemed it best to leave him be until he wanted to share his work.

Michelangelo was off doing who-knows-what in the kitchen. He was probably whipping up one of his "famous recipes", which consisted of whatever happened to be on hand.

Raphael was spending his quality time farther away from his siblings. Rather than watching television, planning, or cooking, he was murmuring quietly to his pet turtle. Spike.

Spike was the only one who truly and deeply understood Raph. Nobody else knew what it was like. Nobody knew what it really felt like to care so much about ones siblings that they couldn't begin to explain all that they would give up to ensure their safety. Nobody was ever there for Raph. Nobody understood how much the hothead would give up for his brothers. He would give up his life if it came to it.

But Spike understood, and Spike was always there for him. Raph had a soft-side for his little friend, though he would never admit that out loud. Though, truthfully speaking, Raphael would beat the shell out of any loathsome being that dared touch Spike.

Raphael held Spike gently in his over-sized hand. He fed his pet turtle as he continued to speak to the small creature. He practically poured his heart out to the little guy. He told him everything; but only because he knew that he could trust Spike.

Movement out of the corner of his eye caught Raph's attention. His head snapped up and he peered into the open area from where he nestled in the shadows.

Leonardo was gathering his three brothers together. It must have been patrol time. Raph stood and carried Spike a little ways, setting him down and murmuring quietly, "I'll be back, buddy." He turned and strode to the small forming group, only half listening to the garbage Leo had to say about the Foot. That was all he ever talked about. All he did was worry. This and that was dangerous, and so is _this_ , and _this_ , and they needed to watch out for _that_. Raph was sick of Leo's apprehension. If the team ran into any trouble, they could handle it. Leo didn't need to fret about every little thing.

The group bid a quick farewell to their father and sensei, Master Splinter, and they were off. Slinking through the shadows, Raphael was stuck between Leo and Donnie as they walked close to the wall. The four climbed up the side of a building and studied the city for a moment from the rooftop.

Raph remembered Leo speaking of something relating to the Foot, and that they would be waiting in a particular spot for them to arrive. They, the Foot, were perceptibly going to commit a crime, and the four heroes were to stop it. That would be easy. The Foot were wimpy little excuses of ninjas; therefore, taking them down was a cakewalk.

That was another problem with Leo: He always overestimated their foes. He was constantly speaking of problems that _could_ occur, rather than what was _going_ to occur. Clearly, half of the reasons for Leo's anxiety were complete nonsense. Like Shredder was going to come and destroy them all with bionic robots carrying around laser beam firepower.

Perhaps that was overreacting a bit, but it was a close enough example.

Raph climbed up a water tower and sat at the base. His feet dangled lifelessly over the edge, and his palms rested on the rim of the small platform. His green eyes lazily skimmed the skyline and he huffed, impatiently awaiting the arrival of the Foot.

Hours—or what seemed like hours—passed by as time continued to tick. Raph had hardly moved from his spot within the period of time, and he grew more and more impatient by the moment.

"That's it," the hothead grumbled. He pushed himself off the edge of the water tower, landing unharmed on the rooftop, and stormed over to Leo. "They're not going to show up!" he growled.

"We have to be patient," Leo said, not tearing his watchful gaze from the surrounding rooftops.

"No, you have to come up with a better plan, 'cause this is pointless!" Raph argued.

Leo looked at him out of the corner of his eye and nodded towards a group Foot ninja that were advancing towards them.

Raph grumbled. He never liked to think he was wrong, even when he knew that he was. Stubborn was a quality he'd happened to pick up somewhere along the way.

The four drew their weapons, ready for the oncoming opponents.

Raph swept the leg of one and elbowed another, pausing briefly before blocking an attack and taking down yet another of the Foot. It was a simple task, but quite pleasurable.

Quickly, the Foot had been taken down, and the battle was complete according to the four.

"We took them down!" Mikey yelled triumphantly, fistbumping the air.

"As always," Leo said, grinning victoriously and sheathing his katana.

"You may have defeated my ninjas…" a deep voice growled, "but now I will defeat you."

Raph whipped around, Sai still clenched in his fists. The four faced the Shredder. Flashbacks and images of their last encounter with the evil villain immediately flooded Raph's mind. He shook them away and narrowed his green eyes loathingly.

Leo unsheathed his katana once again. Raph shot him a brief glance, reading his gaze. Leo's deep blue eyes showed insecurity. He looked as though he would fight, but only if it was needed. Otherwise, he had some sort of escape plan in the making.

"Oh, man…" Donnie said in a hushed voice. He was clearly remembering their last come across with the Shredder. It had not gone as well as it could have. Master Splinter had even said that they were lucky to have escaped with their lives.

But Raph would not believe it. They were strong! They could defeat the Shredder with a little elbow grease. They had to be able to.

He would not tell himself he could not take down the Shredder alongside his brothers. Losing a battle implied weakness. And weakness was unacceptable.

Before any of the Turtles could move, the Shredder dashed forward. He swiftly and easily took each of the four down within moments.

They lay on the rooftop. Raph's gaze swept across his brothers' motionless bodies. Their yells of agony still rang through his head. The red, sticky liquid poured from wounds on various places upon their bodies. It was a horrid scene. The near-lifeless bodies of his brothers were almost too much to bear. Their sides heaved lightly, showing the slightest flicker of hope. They were not yet dead, but with the Shredder's form drawing nearer and nearer to their already broken bodies, their chances of surviving were decreasing rapidly.

"No!" Raph yelled weakly, coughing up a thick drop of blood. He winced as pain shot though his wounded side. "Take me!" he said, practically begging. "Just don't touch them…" The last sentence was barely audible, but his point had been made.

Shredder's form paused, turning slightly to land its dark gaze upon Raphael's broken figure. The Shredder strode slowly over to Raph, his claw-like weapons still extended. The evil villain lowered his weapon right up to Raph's throat, and the mutant's vision went black.


	2. Vicissitudes of Allegiance

His head was spinning. He hadn't yet opened his eyes. He didn't know how long he had been out, but he presumed it was a while.

Once he fully came-to, Raph's green eyes flashed open and he sprang up. Pain shot through his abdomen and he immediately brought a hand to his injured side. He was bandaged up. Granted it was a poor, messy job, but his wounds had slightly been tended to. That was something.

Raphael looked around cautiously. It was dark, but he could see hazy figures. He paused for a moment, trying to detect a movement or sign that he was not alone.

Hesitantly, he brought a hand up to the side of his head, setting his palm onto his temple. He did not know where he was. All he could remember was the Shredder.

Shredder.

Raph looked around wildly. He needed to know where his brothers were. He staggered to his feet, his gaze flashing across the room as he frantically tried to spot a silhouette that resembled one of his brother's figures.

"Calm down already," a feminine voice sounded behind Raphael. It was all too familiar. It was too easy to place.

Karai.

Raph growled and prevented himself from lunging straight at Karai. He needed answers, and making any hurtful gestures wouldn't get him as far as he needed to go.

"Now that you're awake…" She walked over to Raph. "Here." Karai thrust what felt like a strip of cloth into Raph's hands and took a few steps back.

Raph paused hesitantly before looking down at it. A dim light flickered on and lit up the room a bit. Raph winced as the light burned his eyes. He raised his gaze to fix his cold stare on Karai.

"I don't want this," he growled, tossing the cloth back at her. It was a mask, like the ones Raph and his brothers wore; only it was jet black.

"Of course you do if you're going to join the Foot."

"I'm not joining the Foot!" Raph yelled, though his voice was still weak due to the fact his body was not yet properly healed.

"Then you can say goodbye to your brothers," Karai said.

"Where are they?" Raph demanded, taking a step towards Shredder's daughter.

Karai shrugged carelessly. "We will find them. If we have to."

Raph dropped his green gaze. "If I join the Foot…" Raph growled hesitantly. "Will you leave my brothers alone?"

He lifted his head to glare at Karai.

"For now," she said.

Raph snorted. Why had they not just killed him?

"Fine," Raph growled. He waveringly stepped forward, grabbing hold of the black mask and placing it over his eyes. His red mask had been removed prior to when he awoke.

A light chuckle of triumph emitted from Karai as she turned. "Catch you later," she said, striding out of the room and leaving Raph in solitude.

Raph found it hard to believe that Shredder would have kept his brothers alive, but if there was any hope—even the slightest bit—he was willing to sacrifice all he had. He merely went along with whatever they wanted him to do.

They trusted him enough to let him out on their "patrols" with them; or maybe they were simply testing him. Either way, he couldn't turn down their offer—which was much more like a demand or an order. If he did, they'd surely kill him then and there. Who would protect his brothers after that?

His brothers…

Shredder probably had them locked up somewhere. He was probably ready for the moment to strike and kill the three broken souls—the moment Raph made one wrong turn, one wrong move. Karai had probably lied about having to go "find" them. A single step out of line could cause the death of those he held nearest to him.

Grief and hopelessness overwhelmed the already sorrow-filled and confused teenager. The stress was enough on him—he wasn't going to let the guilt of being the cause of his brothers' death weigh upon him, too. He would not mess up. He would not ruin this. The fate of his brothers' lives might've depended on his actions.

He was shoved out and in the middle of five or six members of the Foot. They simply ran upon rooftops for awhile. This was aimless, pointless. What was the purpose in running on the roofs other than merely looking for trouble?

But that was not Raphael Hamato's biggest concern.

He didn't want to run into his brothers. They would take it the wrong way. They would think—no, they would _know_ —he turned on them. They would know that he could no longer be their friend.

The muscle of the team was no longer apart of the team. Their best fighter was now their worst match.

But one cannot dwell upon such matters without acting. Taking action was the only way to get out of a problem. But in the moment, Raphael could not do much to get out of his situation. 

After the patrol, it was all quiet in the dungeon. It felt like hours of staring at the ceiling before the large door swung open and Karai stepped in. She walked silently over to him, and he stood.

"Here," Karai said, thrusting a pair of Katana into Raph's hands.

"Wh—" Raph started.

Karai rolled her eyes. "This is your new weapon."

Raph fumbled for a moment, looking down at the swords. Surprisingly, he'd never used Katana before. He'd never really had a desire to, either.

"You've never used these before, have you?" Karai asked.

"No," Raph replied, glancing up at her for a split-second.

"Well then we'll have to fix that, eh?" She unsheathed her sword.

Raphael looked up at her and then his gaze fell back onto the Katana. He clenched his fists around the handles and lifted the swords just in time to block Karai's blow. He lunged forward and their training began. 

Karai certainly hadn't gone easy on him. He had a gash across his left shoulder and a few additional scratches on his plastron; but other than that, his physical condition was tolerable.

Karai carelessly threw a sash into Raph's arms. It was black and bore a Foot ninja symbol.

"For your weapons and to go with your mask," she said to him.

Raph stifled a sigh and slipped it on, sheathing his new Katana. He could still hardly believe he was doing this.

* * *

A whole month dragged by. Raphael's wounds from the Shredder had healed enough, but he would always have the scars.

Sticky blood sprayed the area from a fresh gash as the now black-banded turtle was thrust back into the dungeon. He panted, lifting his head and glowering up at Karai from where he crouched on his hands and knees.

Karai smirked and turned sharply, walking out of the room in a smug manner.

Raph grunted and brought the back of his hand to his mouth, wiping away the blood. He was beginning to wonder if he had actually joined the Foot a month ago, or if he'd become a prisoner of Shredder. Of course, he hadn't been too cooperative… Had they really expected him to be?

His mask was tattered, looking much like his previous one, disregarding the change in color.

A stifled sigh of pain emitted from Raph as he slowly sat up, dragging himself to the wall and leaning upon it. The light scratches on his carapace were his least concern. There was a gash across his cheek and his body was heavily bruised in various places. His muscles ached and his breathing came in sharp, raspy gulps.

He huffed and clutched his side, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He tried to catch his breath, tried to slow down his heart-rate. But it was hard. He couldn't shake the thought that he'd abandoned his brothers in their time of need. He'd changed allegiance, though he knew that deep down he would always be loyal to his brothers.

 _Always._


	3. Traitor

_They stood there before him. Leo's scar-covered body and plastron mirrored his spirit. He was broken. Hardened. Mikey was no better. Donnie was pulling through, but he still was not the same._

 _"You left us when we needed you." Pain, defeat, and grief reflected from the leader's deep, blue eyes that were once confident. But no longer. He seemed as insecure as a mouse venturing into an alley lined with cats._

 _"You don't understand," Raph tried to argue, panic welling in his chest. His throat tightened as he fought back the tears of frustration and agony. He couldn't convince them. They wouldn't believe him._

 _Leo turned, the gash running along the left side of his face—from the bottom of his temple to his chin—showing when the moonlight hit it. His hurt-filled, but also loathing, eyes dropped, gazing at the ground, and he walked._

 _He walked away, his distant voice echoing one word over and over: 'Traitor'. Donnie and Mikey followed Leo. Raph couldn't stop them. He couldn't move. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't call out to them. He couldn't…_

/

Raph jolted awake, sweat pouring down his face and stinging his wounds. He winced and sat up.

How long had he slept?

"Get out here, Yami!" a member of the Foot called, using Raph's "new name".

Yami—the meaning of which is 'dark' or 'darkness'.

Raph struggled to stand and he walked briskly to the opening dungeon door. He tried to hide his limp, which he received from a previous encounter with Karai.

Jumping was his only problem. He could maintain a walk without suspicion that he was injured, but he stumbled whenever he leapt from one rooftop to another.

"You alright, Dark?" a Foot member asked, using the English version of Raph's Foot name. At least the Foot were decent…hardly…

"Fine," Raph growled, keeping his gaze low.

The small group of Foot paused for a moment longer. Raph could feel the members' gazes burning into him, but he did not lift his focus from the rooftop below his feet.

"Okay," the Foot said, and they continued to "patrol", though it wasn't really like patrolling. It wasn't the same as when Raph patrolled with his brothers. He didn't get to fight. He didn't get to stop crime; instead, he caused it.

/

The search for his brothers and mission to wreak havoc was more uneventful than not. Raph returned to the dungeon that confined him with the word from his dream repeating itself in his mind like a broken record. The word his own brother had spoken to him. _Traitor._ It was true, whether Leo had actually said the word or not. It still haunted him. This was all driving him mad.

He didn't get much to eat, and whatever the "food" he was given happened to be, he did not know. He ate it anyway. It was foul, but it was food. Raph knew he needed to stay alive. For his brothers. He must not let them down. But every day, he felt as though he were growing even deader. His vitals were functioning well enough, he was up and running, but he had never felt less alive.

Karai entered the room a little later to announce that they would hold a sparring match. Raph stood irritably and unsheathed his Katana.

The battle was…unpleasant in a difficult manner. She was a tough fighter. But not too tough for Raph—even though there was a split-second or two when he considered whether or not she would kill him.

Once he'd pinned her down, he narrowed his eyes—almost as though he were examining her soul. He sat back with a snort.

"Well done," Karai said.

He didn't reply.

"You could use a little work with the Katana, though…" she continued.

She was making an effort to stick around… "Quit criticizin' me and just get to the point," Raph growled.

"I can't believe you're actually working against your brothers like that. They must think you're a traitor," she said.

Another vision from his dream flashed before his eyes, and he tensed.

Karai raised an eyebrow, looking at him with suspicion. He returned the gaze with narrowed eyes.

"I need a breather," Raph growled, tearing his gaze from hers and ending the staring contest. He shouldered past her and walked out of Shredder's lair. Hopefully, Karai trusted him enough to let him get out at least _once_ by himself.

He sat on the edge a rooftop, legs dangling lifelessly over the city below. His Katana rested at his side, and his hand lay on their handles, ready to fight if an unlucky person happened to run into him.

Raphael was in no mood for company of any kind. His expression must've screamed, "I could kill someone if they mess with me right now," because even the stars were hiding.

He tilted his head back to look at the dark, navy blue sky. No clouds, no stars. It was merely a lonely night. A chilly breeze swept over the rooftops, blowing his mask tails and forcing him to squint as dust poked at his eyes. He pulled his knees up to press against his plastron, wrapping his arms around his legs. Raph set his chin on his knees and skimmed the city below.

It didn't seem great anymore. At one point, he loved to go topside. Just for the heck of it. Just to feel the breeze and grab some fresh air. It was a pleasure to find criminals and teach them a lesson. It was a great way to relax.

Now the city seemed darker. It was a prison. Shredder's place was a mere cell block for the worst of them—or for the unfortunate inmates who were accused of that which was not committed by them. His brothers were off elsewhere, trying to keep as far away as possible from the bad side. Raph guessed that they probably hadn't tried to convince the others that he'd done nothing wrong—that perhaps he deserved to be on the lesser side of the prison. Leo would've deemed it too dangerous. Wouldn't he?

He huffed and clenched the sword at his side.

"Raph?" The voice was a mere gasp of disbelief. But it was so familiar. Raph hadn't heard it in what felt like forever…

He leapt to his feet and whipped around.

 _Leo_ …


	4. Encounter

Raph let out a huff of breath in disbelief. He tried to speak, but no words came. Leo stood still, shock trapping him as well.

He had a scar across the left side of his face. Most of it was hidden by his mask, but the tips of the scar still showed. His plastron was covered with minor scratches and scrapes. It was almost an exact mirror image of Leo in Raph's dream.

But this wasn't a dream.

"We thought you were dead…" Leo breathed after a moment of hesitation. His blue eyes glittered with sadness and doubt emitted from his facial features, as though he was questioning whether or not Raph was a mere hallucination.

Raph stood, speechless. What was he supposed to say to Leo?! He hadn't seen him for over a month…

Leo didn't move from his spot; he stood frozen and looked onward unsurely. As he studied his brother, his eyes hovered over the Foot emblem across Raph's plastron.

"Foot…?" Leo murmured, though it sounded more like an incredulous question. His blue eyes flashed back up to connect with Raph's gaze.

Raph spoke up, seeing his brother's alarm rising. "It's not what it looks like," he said quickly, forcing himself to throw a hint of growl into his tone. Just so Leo didn't know that he'd changed a tad more than he should have. He didn't want Leo to think he'd grown soft…

"Then what is it?" Leo demanded. He seemed to be trying to keep his leader figure, but a trace of panic still managed to etch its way into the blue-banded turtle's voice.

Raph grumbled. Leo wouldn't understand. He never understood, so this time wouldn't be different.

The hothead dropped his gaze and huffed.

"It is what it looks like… Isn't it?" Leo asked, hurt glazing his eyes for a split-second. "Why would you join the Foot, Raph?"

Raph sighed, turning his head so that his expression was hidden from Leo's view. Why did this have to be so difficult!? Why did Leo have to show up in the first place?

"Raph!" Leo snapped, the slightest hint of desperation slipping into his tone. "Talk to me!"

Raph lifted his gaze, shaking his head the slightest bit. He turned and forced his legs to carry him away from Leo. He could've gone back—no, he _should've_ gone back—but if he did, everything he'd done for his brothers—the whole reason he had surrendered himself in the first place—would mean nothing. The struggle between the side of him that wanted to go home and the one who thought it best to remain at Shredder's battled as he departed from Leo.

"Come back with me!" Leo called after him. "Raph…" He paused, hesitating. "We need you!"

Raph halted, turning his head so that he could look at Leo over his shoulder. He spoke in barely a whisper, making sure his voice was so quiet that Leo couldn't hear him. "I'm sorry..." he said, "That's why I can't come home."

He shook himself and continued quickly onward, back to Shredder's lair, ignoring Leo's calls pleading him to come back home.

* * *

"I'm surprised you came back," Karai said as Raph stumbled back to the dungeon.

"Yeah?" Raph asked, practically collapsing in a sitting position next to a back wall.

Karai took a step toward him. "Of course," she said. "You've no desire to stay here anyway." She shrugged carelessly and looked down at him.

Raph grunted. She knew that was wrong. She knew he had the best reason to stay: The safety of his brothers. "Yeah, whatever," he growled under his breath, leaning his head back against the brick wall and closing his emerald eyes.

Karai fell silent, other than the muffled shuffling noises, and suspicion rose inside Raph. He cautiously opened his eyes. Karai sat to his left, looking at him with an expression he couldn't place. Compassion? Worry? _No_ , it couldn't be. She didn't care at all about him.

"What?" Raph asked gruffly.

Karai shook her head, turning her gaze away. "You're doing this all for your brothers…" She spoke in a way Raph hadn't ever heard her speak before. Her tone wasn't taunting or smug. It wasn't gruff or evil. It was gentler and slightly sympathetic.

Hah. Yeah. Sympathetic. That was likely.

"Why do you care?" Raph grumbled, not in the mood for Karai's act.

Her gaze snapped back to Raph. "I don't have anyone who cares like that," she growled, her voice rising as her sympathy diminished instantly. "Your brothers had better be grateful to have someone who is willing to risk his life for their safety."

Raph narrowed his eyes, almost confused. He studied Karai suspiciously. Why was she acting as though she cared? She couldn't be serious. "Stop trying to make me feel bad for you," Raph grunted, turning his gaze to stare at the brick wall opposite of him.

"I'm not," Karai said, and she would have actually sounded sincere if Raph hadn't known better.

Her struggle to gain his trust meant nothing to Raph. Not after all the threats she'd made towards his brothers. He would never have the slightest positive feelings for her.

Never.

"Sure you're not," Raph muttered sarcastically.

"Look, I'm trying to be your friend here. If you don't want that, then fine," Karai said, shifting slightly.

Raph glared over at her. "Fine," he said dismissingly.

Karai growled and stood, exiting the dungeon with a slam of the metal door.

Raph huffed. She was just trying to manipulate him into trusting her. Then she'd be able to break him down easier.

Well she wasn't going to trick Raph.

He was smarter than that. He was smart enough to understand that her shown feelings were insincere. Of course she didn't care. She was the enemy. She was merely trying to pretend so that he would fall for her tricks. That would make it easier for her to manipulate him. If he was dumb enough to believe that she would actually try to help.

 _Why would she?_ She'd never shown him the slightest hint of compassion or mercy since he'd first come across her. Why would she change now?

She was manipulative. That was all.

He rolled his eyes and lay down on the cold, stone floor. He couldn't help but miss his bed. And his brothers. And his sensei. And Spike... He shook himself and closed his eyes, but there was something that was bothering him. Something was keeping him up; and he couldn't help think it might have something to do with Karai.


	5. The Turtle In Purple Clad

Raph woke from his nightmare with a jolt.

It'd been a week since Karai had tried to be kind to Raph. Since then, she'd been ignoring him unless it was necessary that she didn't. He bolted upright and looked around, peering through the darkness. It seemed that he was the only one in the dungeon. No Shredder, no Foot, no Karai.

Raph groaned and growled, directing his question towards himself, "Why didn't you just go back with Leo when you saw him?" He shook himself and staggered to his feet, heading for the dungeon door. He needed some air, and he needed to get out of that stupid room enclosed by brick walls.

Silent footsteps collided with the ground as he briskly limped towards the exit. He paused as Karai turned a corner. She stopped as well, giving him a cold glare.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded; all kindness from the week before was completely gone.

Raph glowered at her, narrowing his eyes. "Out," he said, shoving past her and making his way to the exit. But she stopped him.

"Running away?" she questioned, a warning hidden between the lines of her words.

The mutant turned to look over his shoulder. "Am I not allowed to just want out for a half hour?"

Karai sighed and rolled her eyes, taking a step back but not removing her suspicious gaze from Raph, who returned the scowl and quickly staggered out.

It was difficult to climb to the top of the rooftops with his wounded leg. But Raph managed it. He always did. He limped across the roof, fighting back his rising emotions of sorrow and frustration. It was all so unfair! Raph began to question why he'd even come to the Foot in the first place. The flashbacks that followed soon after reminded him. He'd had to do it. If he hadn't, his brothers would have been killed. None of them would be alive anymore.

Raph dropped his head, distress overwhelming him. He sat on the edge of the rooftop, removing his black mask and setting it next to him. He pulled his knees up to his plastron and wrapped his arms around his legs, burying his face in his knees and bringing his chin to his chest. He tried pointlessly to fight off the tears that threatened to race down his cheek at any moment.

 _That worked_ really _well._

The small drops of salty tears drizzled down his face, leaving paths as they went, and splashed against the cement rooftop. Raph ignored them. For once he stopped trying to hold back his emotions. He didn't care. He just wanted to see his brothers again. All he wanted was to know they were okay…

"Raph?" The insecure voice reverberated from behind Raphael. He lifted his head, blinking and wiping his face with the back of his hand. He slowly and cautiously turned to look over his shoulder.

There stood Donatello. He was alone, as Leo had been the night Raph had seen him. A burst of happiness exploded inside Raph, but it was quickly consumed by the regret that was quickly rising up to take its place. He couldn't go back with them. _But_ why _couldn't he? Maybe it would be better if he did…_

Raph scrambled to his feet, blinking and wondering whether or not it was all in his head. "D-Donnie…?" he stammered, standing his ground.

The purple clad turtle's jaw was parted slightly in bewilderment. He stood still for what seemed like forever before he finally stepped forward and spoke up. "It _is_ you…" His voice was hardly audible.

Raph finally picked up the courage to step forward. He walked up to Donnie and stood before him. The two stared blankly at each other for a moment until Raph made a move. He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around his brother in a crushing hug. He didn't know what to say. He was just glad that he was reuniting with Donatello again.

Donnie paused for a moment before returning the gesture. "We thought we weren't going to see you again…" he whispered softly.

"Yeah?" Raph asked, finding he was able to speak again.

Donnie nodded ruefully. "Yeah. Until Leo saw you a while back. He claimed you were in the Foot…" His eyes flashed to the Foot symbol on Raph's belt and sash. "He said… You went back," Donnie added. "Why didn't you just come home?"

 _He wouldn't understand,_ Raph thought. _No matter how smart he is. He wouldn't understand..._ "I… I can't go home, Donnie," he said after a moment of hesitation.

His brother looked taken aback. "Why?" he asked. He hesitated before adding, "It's… It hasn't been the same without you here…"

"What d'ya mean?" Raph asked cautiously.

"Well…" Donnie said. "The first thing we all remembered was waking up…" he started. "On the rooftop. We didn't really know what had happened, but… It all came back to us eventually. When we came to, all we could think about was the fact that you weren't with us. We decided to go let Master Splinter know what was going on, and then we would patrol out to search for you.

"After our wounds had been tended to, Sensei wouldn't let us out of the lair for a while. He said that our wounds needed time to recover-and if we didn't give them that time, they could grow worse. We didn't have a chance to look for you until a few weeks after the incident. We had hoped that you weren't going to be gone very long—that maybe you would eventually show up… But you never did…

"Leo… He wasn't really the same. He trained a lot harder and he hardly ever smiled again. He stopped watching Space Heroes… He and Mikey started fighting a lot—"

"What?" Raph demanded, interrupting. "What'd _they_ have ta argue about?"

Donnie stifled a sigh of sadness. "Everything… But especially you. You see… Mikey… He changed. He stopped caring. He doesn't touch his video game system anymore. Up until when you came across Leo a week ago, we hardly ever _saw_ Mikey. He was always cooped up in his room or in the dojo. I think he was training, but I'm not entirely sure…

"Once Leo passed on the message that he saw you, more arguing erupted over whether or not we should send out an immediate search party. It was hard on all of us, Raph. For a while… We thought you were dead…"

Raph huffed, dropping his gaze. His absence wreaked havoc back at the lair. He wanted badly to go home-to bring the broken family back together. Maybe he should.

 _"_ _You think I'll let you leave now?"_

Raph looked over to see Karai. Anger emitted from her in waves, and her fury was expressed through her facial features. After a moment, Foot ninja leapt upon the building and began closing in.

Thinking as fast as he could, Raph did the most intelligent thing he could think of at the moment. He looked over his shoulder at Donnie and growled in a low tone, "Run."

Donnie's shock-filled eyes flickered as he hesitated.

"Go!" Raph yelled.

"Raph, I don't want to le—"

"Just go!" Raph growled; he added, "I'll catch up…"

Donnie hesitated for a moment longer before racing off, shooting one last, remorseful glance over his shoulder before he disappeared in the shadows.

"After him!" Karai yelled. The Foot pursued Donnie, but Raph stood in their path. He growled, taking out his Katana and easily bringing them all down in a few swift moves. He was no master in the particular weapon, but the Foot were easy to battle as it was. Karai was harder to take on, however. She was so complicated, twisting and turning and attacking at the most unexpected times. Eventually, Karai threw a smoke bomb, and that was the last Raph saw before his vision blurred and dimmed to black.


	6. Trapped

Darkness was overwhelming. Fear was mind-clouding. Anxiety was blinding. The never-ending storm was raging, destroying everything in its path. Everything Raph knew was crumbling at his fingertips; and he could do nothing to change it.

Panting heavily and flashing his eyes open, Raph awoke from his unconsciousness. His head was still swirling, boggling his thoughts. He blinked and shook himself, looking around. Dim light from ever-growing cracks in the ceiling of the dungeon faintly lit up the surroundings. Raph looked below him. His legs dangled a foot or two above the ground. He pulled his arm, attempting to bring it to his aching temple, but he was stopped by restraints that bound him to the cold, brick wall. Upon a slight examination, Raph realized he'd been fastened to the wall by chains locked around his wrists.

He looked around, his vision clearing and his mind settling. Under him was a pool of fresh, sticky blood—more than likely from wounds he'd received when he'd been out.

Raph struggled to unlock the chains binding him, but it was no use. The only way one could unlock the chains was with a key—and Raph had no idea where he'd find one of those in that place. He grunted and paused for a moment, his arms slowly growing sore from having to support the rest of his body.

With a loud crash, the metal door flew open, smashing into the brick wall beside it. In stepped Karai. Her walk mirrored a sort of strut, and she had a look upon her face that suggested she was up to nothing but trouble. Raph growled at the sight of her.

She didn't speak. The only audible sounds were Raph's rough, raspy breathing and Karai's subtle movement as her silhouetted figure made its way across the room and in front of Raph.

A stare-down took place for a brief moment; Raph looked away soon, however. Anger seethed inside of him, and looking down at Karai—with her smugness and hate-filled gaze; knowing that she was the one who'd restrained him—was not helping to relax him.

Recent memories of his encounter with Donnie flooded his mind. Sudden anxiety and fear for his brother's safety pulsed through Raph's veins. His gaze snapped back to Karai. He instinctively used anger to hide his "weaker" emotions. "Where's Donatello?!" he growled, forcing his voice not to quiver.

"Your brother?" Karai asked, playing dumb. "How should I know?" It was difficult to tell whether or not she was kidding.

Raph growled, not in the mood to play her little "game".

"Donatello…" Karai repeated the name. "He's the one you saw most recently, right?"

A subtle nod from the restrained mutant was the only answer; a nod which was so subtle it was almost impossible to notice it.

"Ah." Karai paused, taking out her sword and rolling it in her hand. "Don't know where that one is," she said, "but I do have _something_ you might be interested in."

Another low growl emitted from Raphael. "I'm not interested in anything you've got…" he muttered coolly.

Karai looked up at him. "Oh?" she asked. When the only reply was eerie silence, she turned towards the large door to the dungeon. "You're not interested in it? Or… Should I say 'interested in _him'_?"

Every muscle in Raph's body tensed at the way Karai noted the last part in; the way she looked at him, and the way she informed him that whatever she had was another being sent a shiver up his spine. He growled through clenched teeth, still attempting to hide his apprehension, "You said you'd leave my brothers alone…"

Karai halted and looked over her shoulder. She knew she'd captured his attention. "Oh, yes. But that was a while ago; that was before you decided to try to make a break for it."

"Karai!" Raph yelled, fury blazing in his dull, green eyes; a fury so bright it seemed to illuminate them for a split-second.

"Interested now?" Karai asked. The thin, wispy beams of light dancing through the wounds of the dilapidating building landed on her face to reveal her smirk. The gashes along Raph's wrecked body hadn't been treated, and they still stung with pain, but he could hardly notice them through the wall his mind had built with fear and anger.

After the silence was not broken, Karai nodded. "Very well. I will show you." Her voice was still built around a type of sadist grudge she held against Hamato Yoshi and his disciples. As soon as she'd taken one step towards the exit, the dancing wisps of light fled from their celebration as though they could tell that nothing good would walk through the large, metal door when she returned.

For a brief moment, Raph was left alone—with no guard, no Karai, and no cheerful beams of light. He was left to hold his breath, praying that Karai was kidding—praying that Karai walked back through that door alone.

Shuffling from outside the dungeon signaled the return of Karai. The metal door swung open once more, and she was soon attacked by the harmless glow of lights through the cracks of the breaking room. She had her back faced to Raph, and she appeared to be dragging a figure along with her.

Raph tried to peer around Karai's silhouetted form to have a better glimpse at the body she dragged behind her, but it wasn't until she fully moved out of the way that Raph realized who it was.

It was his brother. His little brother; the only member of the team he hadn't seen since he'd sacrificed himself to the Shredder. Mikey…

Donnie had been right. He looked different. It appeared that he'd put up a fight before he'd arrived to Shredder's place; he looked half-dead.

 _How did he get here?!_

His orange mask was more battle-scarred than Raph's red one had been. His features seemed to have transformed within the past month or two; he looked as serious and mature as Raph had remembered Leo!

"Mikey!" Raph yelled, fighting his restraints.

Mikey lifted his head only a few inches from the stone ground, forcing himself to open his eyes and stay conscious. For a moment, his blue in his eyes reflected nothing but hatred and insensitivity; at the sight of Raph, he blinked and his eyes widened, showing fear and bewilderment. "Raph…" he choked out, lifting a hand towards his older brother.

"Mikey…" Raph murmured, trying to get off his restraints.

Michelangelo set his chin back on the ground. "Raph… Y-You're alive…" he stammered, still looking up at his brother.

Raph growled. "What are you doing here?!" he asked, raising his voice inadvertently due to his frustration.

"I-I was… Lo-looking for you; L-Leo and D-Don were too busy so I d-didn't ask them to c-come…" Mikey's voice trailed as it neared the end of his sentence.

"So you thought you could just go alone?!" Raph growled, pausing from his struggling for only a second to look at his brother. His idiotic brother. _Why would he do a thing like that?!_

"I n-needed to know you were still alive!" Mikey yelled back. He was thrown into a fit of coughs after he'd finished his sentence.

Raph's gaze flashed to Karai when she made a move. "Visiting time's up," she said, shooting a look at Raph. She grabbed a hold of Mikey's wrists and proceeded to drag him out of the small, cell-like room.

"Mikey!" Raph yelled. A mumble emitted from his brother, who was slowly being dragged into unconsciousness.

"R-Raph…" he stammered, almost inaudibly. His eyes were opened only the slightest bit, and his gaze was fixed on Raph. Raph stared back at his brother; fear was etched across his face—but he didn't care.

"Catch you later," Karai called over her shoulder before she slammed the metal door, leaving Raph to do the most sensible thing his clouded mind could come up with; worry.


	7. Dimming The Hope

_It was hard even being in Shredder's lair; it was hard to cope, and it was hard to believe that he was actually there due to his own decision; but the hardest part had been seeing Mikey there in front of him. His broken, tattered body; his tortured, cold-hearted soul. It was all too much. It was all Raph's fault.  
_

He shook himself, trying to push away the pessimistic thoughts for once in all of his years.

He'd never hated Shredder more in his life. He'd never hated Karai as much as he did in that moment. With every second, he was losing more and more of his already-small supply of hope.

The door swung open and Karai stepped in. She walked silently up to Raph, stripped him of any hidden weapons he may have had that were not yet removed, and unlocked his chains.

He instantly dropped to the ground, his muscles aching from having to support the rest of his body weight for so long. He scrambled to his feet, eye-to-eye with Karai.

"Follow me," she said, walking to the door and unlatching it.

Raph considered attempting to make a run for it for a split-second; then he remembered Mikey. He wasn't going to leave him. He reluctantly followed Karai out of the room. They walked down a long corridor, which was mainly empty but had the occasional doorway leading into a room.

"Where's my brother?" Raph asked after a moment of silence, his voice no more than a grumble.

"He's still here, if that's what you're asking," Karai said, merely waving the question away with a simple, half-answer.

Raph grunted, speeding up his pace to walk beside Karai. "I want to see him."

"I'm sure you do."

"Let me see my brother," Raph growled.

Karai stopped in her tracks and turned to look at her prisoner. She hesitated a moment before muttering reluctantly in a low tone, "Fine. But make it quick."

She led him farther down the dark, stone-walled tunnel and to another room. The door was large, with a handle-like a latch. It was protected by a combination lock; Karai quickly punched in the code and opened the door.

"Make it quick," she repeated, and the look on her face suggested that she didn't want to be letting Raph in; however, she must've thought he might cooperate better if he was allowed to see his brother.

Michelangelo had large, metal shackles binding his wrists together. They were connected to two thick chains that latched to a section of the metal wall. Unlike Raph's dungeon, the walls were not made of dilapidating bricks; rather, the walls of this cell were more of a long sheet of metal, with bolts along the edges.

He was sitting in the back corner with his head down. He didn't even look up when the light shone in partially on his face, revealing the tearstains running down his cheeks.

Raph took a step into the dark room towards his brother. "M-Mikey…?" he asked, his voice cracking.

Mikey's head shot up, and he nearly jumped up when he saw Raph. "R-Raph!" he coughed, obviously still injured.

Hurrying over to his brother, Raph knelt next to Mikey and pulled him into a hug.

"Raph, I'm sorry…"

"Don't go apologizin' to me now," Raph muttered.

Mikey pulled away and stared at Raph silently. He looked so different. He looked as though he'd matured from himself into a firm adult in a mere month.

Raph hesitated; there was so much he needed to say. He spoke the first words that came to his mind; "Tell me how you were captured."

"I told you I-I was looking for you…" Mikey murmured.

"So ya just walked outside and happened upon some Foot?" Raph asked skeptically.

Mikey shook his head. "Not really…"

"Listen, Mikey. I know what it's like to be angry… To have to blow off some steam… But you shouldn't've come lookin' for me. 'Cause now yer stuck here, too…" Raph said, setting a hand on Mikey's shoulder.

He shrugged it off. "I know; but once we found out you were still… Alive… I told Leo that we should go find you before that changed.

"He argued and said that we should wait a bit longer to see if you ever came back on your own. He said that maybe you would show up one day-that we were still wounded and weren't ready to risk another battle with Shredder. I told him it'd be a better bet to go and find you. He still wouldn't go… He was convinced you'd come back on your own—convinced you were strong enough to make your way out of whatever situation. Donnie didn't really say much; he kinda stayed away in his lab for a while. He didn't really come out a lot. So… I decided to come find you myself," Mikey said.

Raph groaned. "Smart, Mikey… Real smart…"

"Sorry that I just wanted you back!" Mikey yelled, his voice raising in a matter of seconds.

The two fell into a deep silence for what felt like forever.

"Why didn't you come home with Leo?" Mikey whispered, breaking the stillness.

 _He wouldn't understand any more than Donnie would…  
_

Hesitation engulfed Raph for a moment. "I couldn't, Mikey…" he said.

"You want to stay here?"

"No!" Raph growled.

"So why did you?"

"I've got my reasons, Mike. So just drop it."

Mikey blinked and an awkward silence arose, dragging them down into its grasps. Deeper and deeper they swam in the suffocating stillness, until Raph bobbed to the surface, disrupting the hush.

"Donnie told me… You and Leo started fighting," he grumbled gruffly. "What're you doin' that for, Mikey?"

Mikey looked up briefly without moving his head. It took him a few moments to break through the surface of the silence, but he eventually did. "Leo wasn't going to do anything. He was just going to sit and let you… Let you stay here… He said it was too risky to have us all go out and search for you."

"I never thought I'd say this…" Raph muttered, "but Leo was right."

His head snapped up. "He was going to let you die!" Mikey protested.

"Mikey," Raph said, "he was trying to do what was best." _What am I saying?!_ Raph wondered; _all this about how Leo's right? What's wrong with me?_

"Well he wasn't doing a very good job at it…" Mikey grumbled.

Raph sighed. Donnie was right; Mikey had changed a lot. Too much, perhaps. He didn't seem to care about the little things in life like he once did; he didn't seem to notice the rainbow at the end of the storm—maybe to him there was no rainbow.

"Time's up."

Raph turned to see Karai poke her head through the doorway, informing him that it was time to leave.

He turned back to Mikey. "I'll see you later, okay?" he said in a hushed voice.

"No!" Mikey said, sitting forward abruptly but finding himself restrained back by the shackles on his wrist. Raph heaved a sigh of frustration and scooted closer to Mikey, letting his brother hug him. "Don't leave me…" Mikey whispered.

Raph didn't speak for a moment. "I'll be back," he promised; he hoped that it was a promise he wasn't going to have to break.

He sat back and stood up, shooting one last look at his brother before turning and joining Karai at the doorway. Without throwing another glance over his shoulder, he exited the metal-walled dungeon and continued down the crumbling corridor in silence.

Karai slammed the metal door behind him and it immediately locked. She hurried forward to cut in front of Raph.

She led him to the end of the corridor and eventually into a room resembling a dojo. Carelessly, she tossed him a pair of Katana and stepped into stance.

Raph was almost confused by the gestures. He blinked in an attempt to clear the smoke clouding his already bewildered mind. He stepped into a battle stance with a swift motion, and no sooner than he'd done that was he bombarded by attacks from Karai; a swing of her sword one way, and slice another. Raph had become better with wielding the Katana, however—he had to have made some progress; otherwise, he wouldn't be alive anymore; the "training" in Shredder's was deadlier than any other practice session one could be forced into.

Because of the excessive training and determination for his brothers, Raph had grown somewhat used to the Katana. He easily dodged Karai's attacks and eventually caught her off guard. He swept her leg and pinned her to the ground. She struggled, but wasn't able to writhe from his grasps.

She ceased her attempts to escape after a moment, glaring up at him deceitfully.

"Not bad," she stated, leaving it at that.

Raph had to give all he had to refrain from beating her to a pulp and making a breakout. It wasn't like he knew the combination to Mikey's cell though, so he'd be stuck no matter what he did-only, in the latter situation, he'd be in much more trouble afterward.

He grumbled and sat back, not daring to let go of his Katana. He didn't trust her, and he probably never would.

She stood and shook herself. "Come on." She gestured for him to follow her, and she led him back to his cell; she took the Katana back and chained him to his spot. He sighed as the large, metal door slammed.

 _I'm never getting out of here._


	8. Dead Or Alive

"Hey, Yami…"

"What d'you want, Katashi?"

"Karai has ordered me to take you out to train."

"She's too busy all'a the sudden?"

"She is in a heated conversation with her father."

Raph sighed. 'Course she was. He sat still as the member of the Foot, Katashi, unchained his restraints. Katashi wasn't half as bad as Karai; and he kept his word. Then again, he didn't promise much. He had only promised Raph one thing; as long as Raph obeyed orders, his brother would be safe.

"How do I know you aren't lying?" Raph had asked.

"I'm not one for breaking my promises," Katashi said, "however, if you do need reassurance, I can allow you to visit your brother once a week to make sure he's alright." That wasn't much, but it was a lot better than Karai would've offered. They only had to pull though until they escaped Shredder's.

They padded side-by-side down the deserted corridor. Silence lingered about until Raph decided to speak up and frighten it away.

"How long am I supposed to stay here?" he asked, keeping his gaze ahead of him. He saw Katashi look at him out of the corner of his eye.

He sighed. "I don't know, Yami. I'm pretty sure Master Shredder doesn't want you to leave. He'll probably keep you around until he is aware of Hamato Yoshi's whereabouts."

"Then he can just kill me now, 'cause I'm gonna be no use to him," Raph growled.

"Don't say that," Katashi said.

"What? You expect me to turn against my brothers?"

Katashi shook his head. "No. Listen, Yami." He set a hand on Raph's shoulder to halt him. "I don't want to see you die here, okay? You have an interesting story. I want to know how it's going to end. It wouldn't exactly be a very exciting tale if you never made it outta here, huh?"

Raph shrugged his hand off. "I guess not."

"Even so," Katashi said, proceeding out onto the streets. "It would probably be safe to stay here for a while. If you leave on my guard, it won't be good for me, you, or your brother."

Raph grunted. Even if that was the truth, he wanted to be out of there as soon as possible.

Katashi was a good sparring partner. He wasn't a wimp, so he wasn't afraid to hit whoever he happened to be battling, but he did know of mercy—a concept that did not seem to exist in Karai's world. Not towards Raph, anyway.

Having been a master a wielding Katana, Katashi claimed victory in the end. He certainly wasn't half as bad as the other Foot—maybe it was merely because Raph hadn't had his Sai. Raph had put up a fight, all the same.

"Good battle," Katashi said.

Raph didn't reply.

"You want out of here, don't you?"

"Oh, no. I love to be a prisoner of Shredder…" Raph muttered sarcastically. "'Course I want out."

Katashi nodding knowingly. He said in a low tone, "Yeah, well… I wish I could help you, bud…"

Was this another trick to soften Raph so it would be easier to break him? He couldn't be sure. "Yeah, whatever…" he mumbled, refusing to let Katashi's act of kindness catch him off guard.

"C'mon," Katashi said, changing the subject, "let's go see your brother."

Back down the corridor, the two paced in a line—Raph behind Katashi. They walked in utter silence, which was fine for both of them.

At the cell, Katashi unlocked the door and stepped back to let Raph in. Light flooded through the doorway and Mikey's head popped around the corner instantly.

"Raphie~" An ear-to-ear grin ran across his face. He looked a lot better than before, disregarding the scars and few still-healing wounds. At least he wasn't bound to the wall anymore.

A very faint, unasked-for smile spilled across Raph's face. It was merely because he was glad to see that his brother was alright…

He tried to hide it from Mikey and his ego, but that was to no avail.

"Aww, you're happy to see me," Mikey said, bounding over and standing inches from Raph's unamused face. "You really _do_ care…"

"Whatever," Raph muttered, turning away.

Mikey stepped back over so that he was in front of Raph again. "No hard feelings, bro…" he said, all amusement slipping from his voice. _Still isn't the same,_ Raph thought disappointedly. Mikey quickly shook himself and changed the subject. "I guess you didn't come here to look at me, so… You must have something to say?" He tipped his head, a goofy grin forming at the corners of his mouth.

"I was making sure yer okay," Raph stated. Mikey's grin widened, and Raph cleared his throat. He added quickly, "Y'know, 'cause the Foot've promised and I'm checkin' to see how well they keep their word…"

He did, indeed, realize that this was a horrible excuse in all ways, but he needed to say something to keep Mikey from going off about how Raph "really did care about him." Shesh… He couldn't do a thing to get around the egotistical traits of his brother that showed every now and then.

"Riiiiight," Mikey said disbelievingly. His grin only diminished after he'd asked his next question. "Raph… Are we going to get out of here?"

The grave expression on his brother's face forced Raph to promise that they would.

"Good," Mikey said, "because it's no fun here. There's no video games or pizza. And I miss Leo and Donnie…and Sensei…"

"We're going to get out of here." Raph repeated his promise. "We'll talk about it next week…" he decided. "Next time I see you."

"Aww, I can only see you once a week?" Mikey whined. "But it's so lonely… And Karai's not good company…"

Raph sighed exasperatedly, rubbing his forehead. "I know…" he mumbled.

There was a knock on the metal door. Both heads turned in the direction of the sound as light flooded into the dim room, revealing the solid metal-covered walls. Katashi looked around the corner, his face expressionless.

"Time's up," he informed Raph. "Karai will be back soon, and she will not be keen to see you out of your cell."

A huff slid from Raph's slightly parted mouth, and he turned back to Mikey.

He tipped his head, remorse glittering in his dull blue eyes.

"See ya…" Raph mumbled, almost inaudibly.

Mikey smiled, though Raph could tell it was a forced smile—not one of those he'd pull everyday back at the lair. He nodded and sat back. "Bye, Raph…"

He shook himself and forced his sorrow to not emit from his facial features. He patted Mikey's carapace and turned, exiting the dungeon.

Katashi gave him a look after locking up the cell door.

"What?" Raph asked gruffly.

A shake of his head was Katashi's only answer.

Leading the way back to Raph's cell, Katashi stayed silent the whole time; as did Raph. He looked over at the Foot member occasionally only to see a look of marvel splattered across his face. He seemed to be deeply pondering something.

Of course, that was not the reason for Raph's silence. He was merely not in the mood to speak. Plus, he needed to come up with an escape plan. He and Mikey needed to break out. Soon.

He kept an eye on the walls, the floor, the ceiling—studying every crack, crevice, and break in the brick confinements—in search for any sign that there was perhaps a secret corridor or exit.

With no luck, Raph trudged through his cell, expecting Katashi to soon follow him in to chain him above the ground.

Katashi stayed at the doorway.

"Look, Raph," he said in a low, quiet tone. "I like you—you're a great guy for doing this for your family. I know I'm not supposed to care, but I do—I respect you. But listen… If you go breaking out of here… Master Shredder is bound to send me after you." He had a grim expression when he said this, and Raph couldn't help but to wonder where it was going. Not that he needed to know. This conversation probably wouldn't lead anywhere good. "And if he does… I'll have no choice but to follow orders. He's going to want you back—dead or alive."


	9. Torture

Baffled, Raph stood ridged as the metal door slammed.

How was that statement a term of endearment? The conversation went from 'you're a great guy' to 'I'd be willing to kill you.' Basically.

He'd need to have an escape plan by the next time he visited Mikey. That would be a week away. He would also have to…do his best to keep his temper at bay. After Katashi had spoken those words—with a grim, remorseful tone or not—there was an indication that even a mere step out of line would cause visiting privileges to run down the drain. Therefore, he'd have to make an attempt to lower his anger when it flamed up—not that he would enjoy making an effort to "chill."

Free from chains, binds, and the cold, brick wall, Raph was able to roam in his little cell. On a normal occasion, he'd be fighting to bust down the door, retrieve his weapons, and run—taking down as many Foot as possible in the process. With Mikey accompanying him, it wouldn't be as easy to make a breakout. He'd need to at least have a basic plan, as much as he hated to admit it.

Planning was not exactly his thing. But if it would save Mikey, he would have to try.

He might only have one shot at this, so he'd have to plan carefully. Everything had to be as close to perfect as possible. If one minor variable had a major flaw, both of them would probably be killed on the spot.

He paced. Back, forth, back, forth, from wall-to-wall. His brain was working harder than it ever had. This was as tough as when he'd taken over as leader when Leo had run off and jumped through the whole ordeal with Karai. In both situations, lives other than his own had been at stake. That's what had struck fear into him. He wouldn't say it aloud, and he hoped it was not an obvious fact, but he'd been scared. As he was in this moment. The fear wasn't for himself, however. It was for his brother. If Mikey had just stayed put… This would all be so much easier!

A wave of soreness swept through his legs and he shook, deciding to take a seat before he fell. Pacing was not exactly the brightest idea, considering he'd only used his legs when training recently—and that wasn't often.

He felt weak, small… Leaning back against the wall, his mind wandering to how he'd ended up there. He knew very well, though—even so, he couldn't help but wonder how he could give up his life for this.

He shook himself. It was for his brothers. All of this was worth it. Until Mikey showed up, that was…

Pushing away those thoughts, he attempted to devise an escape plan.

It had been a mere fifteen minutes when the metal door swung open. Raph didn't have a clue how he was to escape this place with Mikey. Creating a plan shouldn't've been so difficult.

Katashi strode in, knelt down, and set a bowl of mushy food in front of Raph.

If one could even call it food.

Looking down at it distastefully, Raph grumbled.

"Hey, look. All prisoners eat this."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?" Raph asked irritably.

Katashi shrugged. "At least you're not the only one who's treated lowly."

"Comforting…" Raph said, his voice no higher than a mutter.

Katashi seemed to have forgotten all he'd said before. However, when their gazes locked, Raph could still see the look in his eyes that suggested he was remembering exactly what had pulled them farther apart.

He'd been the _one_ Foot member who was actually _decent_. Now, he was nothing. Nothing but another enemy.

Raph huffed, turning away from Katashi. He didn't want to see him.

Katashi obviously received the message because he stood and began to slowly walk towards the door. He paused before he locked up the cell. "Karai's coming soon to have a word with you," he said, closing the door and latching it.

Green eyes tore away from the wall.

 _Karai? Great. What does she want now?_

He didn't know how much time passed before blinding light flooded into the dim room for a brief moment as the door swung precariously on its hinges. Light footsteps pattered across the floor while Karai approached Raph. She studied him in the light provided by the hallway, possibly wondering why he wasn't on his restraints.

Shaking it off, she looked down at him. "Shredder wants to speak with you."

Narrowing his eyes, Raph risked asking the question on his mind. "'Bout what?" His voice came out a little more challenging than he'd wanted.

"How about you ask him that yourself?" Karai asked in a bitter tone, returning the glare she received.

Raph huffed and rose to his feet, pushing aside the untouched "food". He wasn't keen on speaking with Shredder, but he wasn't keen on having to deal with Karai and then paying a visit to her father _anyway._ He could always lie his way out of questions, too.

He wasn't going to sell his brothers out.

Stepping up to that throne—into the presence of the man who ruined his life; a man who, if Raph and his brothers were different and could be accepted into the world, would be the only thing standing in the way of complete freedom from hiding—Raph couldn't help but wish he could punch Shredder in the face. After all this man had done, it was impossible not to hate him.

"Raphael Hamato." Shredder addressed him in a dark, husky tone—a tone that would silence the crickets and scare the stars from the skies; a tone that would ruffle the hair on the back of anyone's neck; a tone that would make men surrender their lives because they could sense danger and the possibility of death before even a muscle was moved. All from a mere tone of this man's voice.

Raph hid the fact that both the voice and the thoughts of it provoked him—as well as he could have hid it, anyway. As he stood in the presence of Shredder, he didn't shake, or shiver, or cower, or show any sign of fear or weakness. He was here to be asked questions and answer them however he had to—convincingly, mind you—to protect his brothers.

Immediately, Shredder jumped to the important question—the only one that mattered to him; "Where is Hamato Yoshi?"

Silence filled the air, and Raph stood as rigid and sealed as a brick wall.

The question was repeated, each time with Shredder's voice continuously filling with impatience until he'd had enough.

He stood from his throne, gaze flashing to a Foot ninja on the outskirts.

"Bring him in," he commanded.

If Raph was being honest with himself, he'd admit that a wave of fear washed over him for a moment—though he didn't show it. He apprehensively waited, questions bobbing to the top of his mind—questions he didn't wish to think about; possibilities that hurt to even consider.

An unmistakable figure was thrown into the room at Shredder's feet. The head lifted, almost dazedly, and turned to Raph. The dull expression lit up, fear flashing across its owner's face. He called out to Raph—to his older brother—only a second before he was attacked multiple times, creating wounds—slash marks, welts, and bruises alike—right before Raph's eyes.

He wanted, more than anything, to tear his gaze away from the huddled mass upon the floor—bleeding, sobbing, and quietly whimpering for help from Raph; whispering and begging for it all to stop—but he couldn't. He couldn't stop it, and something froze him to his spot. He couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He felt defenseless. He felt weak—he couldn't help Mikey in his time of need, and that hurt more than anything.

Shredder brought his cold stare back up to rest on Raph. "Now," he said in a growling tone, "where is Hamato Yoshi?"


	10. Lies

A blatant lie flew from Raph's mouth. He wasn't even sure what he'd said—he hadn't given himself enough time to think. Fear for his brother had clouded his mind, and he'd given an answer before he thought.

Whatever he had said was convincing enough, for Mikey was no longer beaten and Shredder looked over with interest. He studied Raph for a moment-as though searching his eyes for the slightest hint of a lie-before turning and having a word with a nearby member of the Foot, who soon bowed and bolted out.

Shredder turned back on Raph, eyes narrowed. He took a few brief steps forward, his gaze locked on the prisoner as though he were examining his soul. Raph fought back the shiver that was threatening to dance up and down his spine. Could Shredder tell he had lied?

Katashi stepped from the shadows where he'd been silently observing the play as it unfolded.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. He looked around hesitantly, his eyes flickering across every object in the room. Raph had no clue what he was doing, but frankly he didn't _care._ In that moment, he was too busy worrying about his, and possibly his brother's, life.

Shredder stopped dead in his tracks when the member of the Foot finally decided to speak up.

"Master-"

"Katashi," Shredder said briskly.

Katashi did his best to look serious as his gaze met his master's.

Before another word could be spoken, the doors opened and Karai's form was visible in the darkness.

"Karai..." Shredder started.

"Father, I must speak with you." Her voice was somewhat urgent, and the look on her face suggested that whatever she had to say was at least the slightest bit important.

Shredder turned back on Katashi before he exited the room with his daughter. "Return them to their dungeons." The command was brief and dismissing.

Raph walked behind Katashi, helping his wounded brother along. He continued to cast glares at the back of Katashi's head. He was fed up with the lies.

Letting go of Mikey briefly, he stepped forward and slammed Katashi up against the brick wall, giving no thought to the fact that the Foot member had probably just made an attempt saved his and his brother's lives, before Karai had interrupted.

"You told me Mikey wouldn't get hurt," he growled, blinded by the overwhelming fury rising from within.

"If you cooperated, yes," Katashi said, his voice remaining placid as he attempted to peacefully work through the disruption.

A growl rumbled deep in Raph's throat. Had Katashi _really_ thought Raph would give away his family's location? He stood his ground for a moment before stepping back and walking on with Mikey. It had taken everything in him not to throw a punch at the Foot member. Katashi brought up the rear, brushing off his suit as he padded after the two.

Mikey cast a weary glance behind them before muttering in a voice that was hardly audible, even to Raph who was right beside him, "Raph…" He shot another glance back at Katashi, who had taken no notice of the uprising conversation, "you just lied to... that's dangerous, bro..."

Raph huffed. At least the truth hadn't slipped from his clouded mind. He nudged Mikey in the side for making such a statement when Katashi was right behind them. He quickened his pace as casually as possible to distance himself from the Foot member even more. "Did you want me to tell 'em where Leo, and Donnie, and Splinter are?" Raph asked, his tone a hushed grumble.

Mikey shook his head and continued on silently.

As they walked, Raph looked over at his brother—who held his head down while he shuffled along the corridor, keeping his eyes on the ground. A few months and he'd gone from happy and cheerful to almost as bad as Raph was himself. This was all wrong! It wasn't supposed to be this way… None of this was supposed to be happening…

They stopped at Raph's cell and Katashi unlatched the door. Huffing indignantly, Raph strode forward, returning to his cage.

"Raph!"

He turned and was engulfed in a crushing hug, catching him off guard.

Mikey stepped back, gaze low.

"'Ey," Raph said, lifting his brother's chin. "It's gonna be alright."

A forced smile twitched at the corners of Mikey's mouth, but his eyes still shared his sadness with the world.

Mikey… _Sad_.

Raph never thought he'd see the day when his bright brother's spirits actually _changed._

Mikey nodded shortly and turned, returning to Katashi's side. Raph walked slowly into his cell, the metal door slamming behind him. He listened to the lock turn before his brother's footsteps padded away, diminishing in the dark corridor outside.

/

"Your brothers may be accompanying you sooner than we might've thought."

The loathing gaze burned into Katashi as he spoke to Raph. He continued speaking anyway.

"Shredder has sent out a party in the location you've given us. It is quite a bit farther than we'd have expected—" He paused, flashing Raph a suspicious glance. "—but we'll manage. And it will all be fine as long as you've told the truth."

That was the part that struck a sense of fear into Raph; he _had_ lied. So what if he and Mikey didn't get out before Shredder realized this?

He was hardly listening to Katashi blabber on. He was obviously trying to break Raph—strike a particular emotion into him so that he would come clean and outright admit that he'd lied, or show signs of this at least. Raph didn't budge. He could keep a good poker face, which came in handy in situations like this.

Anyway, if all went according to plan, none of this would matter—Raph and Mikey would escape before Shredder would know that he'd lied. Then he would have to hunt them down all over again, and it would all be back to the way it was. Only they couldn't be recaptured, or they'd surely be killed right away.

If all _didn't_ go according to plan…

He didn't want to think about that. It _would_ go according to plan, and they _would_ bust out in time. Everything would fall back in order. Everything would be how it once was.

"Are you listening to me, Yami?"

Shaken from his train of thought, Raph brought his gaze to Katashi silently.

He sighed. "I was saying that you, Karai, and I are to train when she shows up."

"Great," Raph muttered sarcastically.

"Look. I know you're not fond of her, but she's daughter of Shredder and you're to respect that."

"I don't have to respect it," he argued to the one person he knew he could get away with arguing to, "I just have to deal with it."

Katashi sighed exasperatedly. "You know what I mean. Anyway, Yami. Your brother was going to be included, but… His body is in need of healing—"

"Wonder why that is…"

"—and we're going to let him rest while he recovers. Yami, don't be so spiteful. You should be glad that Karai isn't forcing him along as well."

"You mean like she does to me?"

"Like she does to you," he said in agreement. "Say. What did you do to make her hate you? I understand you're Hamato Yoshi's son—and she hates his guts for killing her mother—"

"He'd never do a thing like that," Raph growled protectively.

"That's just what I've been told," Katashi said, defending himself. He continued with his question, which he was obviously deeply interested in. "But your relation with Hamato Yoshi cannot be the case, for she doesn't treat your brother in such a way. So what'd you do?"

Raph shrugged and sat back, strangely relaxed around Katashi; it was almost as though he was conversing with a brother. _Hah. Right…_ It was more like...when he'd been stuck with Fishface when Stockman went all crazy.

"I dunno," he stated, silently recalling when she'd tried to show sympathy towards him and he'd rebelled against it.

She couldn't still be upset about that—she knew she was lying the whole time. If she'd really cared, she wouldn't have given up so easily.

Katashi rolled his shoulders back. "Ah, well," he said, seeming a little disappointed with the answer, "she's not been known to be the nicest. She's been through a lot, though."

Raph rolled his eyes and snorted with contempt. "Right," he muttered. "She's nothing but a liar."

"I don't blame you for believing that," Katashi stated. "But if you got to know her… I'm telling you, she's not that bad."

"Don't be so sure. She'll get to you too."

"Since when do you care?"

Raph snorted. "I don't. I just don't want her to deceive anyone else."

"Who is it that she has deceived?"

Raph didn't have time to answer—not that he was going to.

The door swung open, and Karai stood in the doorway.

"Ah. Karai. We were just conversing during our wait." Katashi said, rising from where he sat leaning against the wall.

"Well, we can go now," Karai stated.

Raph huffed and rose to his feet, walking over. Karai kept her narrowed gaze fixed on him for a moment before she led the way out. Katashi insisted that Raph walk in front of him—probably due to trust issues. He shrugged it off and walked after Karai, doing as he was told.

In the training room, they wasted no time to take their positions; it was the two of them against Raph. Karai had stated that it was for a better practicing experience, but Raph doubted that—for they were using weapons, and he was to fight with nothing but his fists.

"I'm not sure this is fair," Katashi had said.

Karai shot him a look and pulled him to the side, muttering something about how Raph was the enemy—and "fair" didn't enter into it.

In a reluctant manner, Katashi stepped into position.

Raph didn't know how he managed as a Foot—he was too easy to give in and too quick to show mercy. A little like Leo.

 _Leo..._

Raph shook himself and readied for the battle.

He could take them.

He knew he could.

However, as Karai spoke the single word to start the battle—"Hajime"— he couldn't help but have the slightest bit of doubts that possibly arose from the bloodlust in her eyes.


	11. Where Am I?

They rushed towards him from both sides and he instantly felt a blow in his abdominal region. It was more than likely a blow inflicted by Katashi—for it was not one that was intended to do any major damage.

Raph stumbled back, regaining his position and dodging another Katana. He lightly stepped out of the way, slipping behind Katashi and getting a blow in from behind the baffled ninja.

Katashi scrambled to his feet and whipped around, advancing on Raph. He attempted to swing once again, but he missed and turned, doing his best to never keep his back to his opponent.

The blows continued to come and Raph continued to dodge—but there was one hit that didn't miss.

An attack from behind—from Karai, because Katashi had been fighting in front of Raph—struck the ninja turtle in the head and sent him swimming into a tunnel of darkness.

/

Thoughts came and went, swirling in Raph's soup-like mind. His head pounded painfully and dizziness raced around in his skull, confusing his brain. He moaned and rolled over, finally opening his tightly shut eyes.

He immediately attempted to scramble to an upright position, but pain limited him. His gaze flashed around wildly, only helping the dizziness to swirl his mind.

"W-where am I?" The question was directed to nobody in particular, as there was nobody in sight.

His eyes traced across the dilapidating walls, sliding to the blood-pooled brick floor below him. _What the shell is going on?!_

Bringing a hand to his aching head, his fingers traced across tightly wound bandages. Was that _his_ blood?

A large door opened and light flashed in. Raph winced at the brightness and tucked himself deeper into the corner of the unfamiliar room.

"Oh, good. You're up. We weren't sure if you were going to pull through alright…" The voice was a bit sheepish.

"Who are _you_?" Raph demanded immediately. "What am I doing here?!"

There was no answer.

"Tell me!"

"Raph," he said, venturing deeper into the room. "Might I suggest that you rest? Regain your strength. That was quite a blow you took."

"What're you talkin' about? Who are you?"

Silence lingered in the atmosphere for a moment.

Raph growled impatiently, cutting off only when the pain beat harder against his skull.

The figure continued to speak. "You need to rest, Raph. Give yourself time to heal." He stated this in a way that was almost commanding.

 _Nobody tells me what to do without an argument…_

"You need your rest," he repeated. "I'll give you some time alone. I will return later with a meal, and Karai will probably want to have a word with you sooner or later."

 _Karai…  
_

That was a name he could place. Though, last time he'd seen her was around the time that she and Leo had their little ordeal...

Karai was not one he could easily converse with, or put up with for that matter. Why would she be having a word with him? _How_ could she be having a word with him? It wasn't like she was just going to pop in from nowhere…

The close of a metal door wracked him from his thoughts, pounding his brain and drawing a grumble of pain from Raph. He rubbed his aching temples and tried his hardest to think. He strained to decipher where he was, who that strange guy had been, and what he was doing in this location. Where were his brothers?

His brain hammered against the inside of his skull again, and he gave up on attempting to draw a conclusion.

Everything _hurt._ Thinking hurt, moving hurt, talking hurt…

What was going on?

He took a deep breath and looked around, studying each crack and crevice in the crumbling walls. The light shed in through the fractures in the brick, revealing that the room was empty other than a few chains hanging lifelessly from a wall opposite of him.

Raph tried his best to piece it all together. His brain was dysfunctional at the moment for an unknown reason, but he could've sworn that—even in the very little light he was provided—the guy who'd come in was in Foot Ninja attire.

It would seem as though he was in Shredder's.

Questions swarmed his mind and the pounding in his brain drummed harder like a drum roll. "Ugh…" He grumbled and set his head gently against the wall behind him. He would make a run for it if he thought he could stand without pushing his brain so far that he'd murder himself.

How did he get there anyway?! He wasn't so stupid that he'd get caught by _Shredder._ He wouldn't be captured by _anybody_ , for the matter.

 _So how'd I end up where I am?_

He closed his eyes, a sudden wave of fatigue washing over him. He felt as though he was going to be sick. His mind swirled and his eyelids drooped. He tried to force himself to stay awake; he couldn't trust anybody there to leave him be if he slipped into a slumber. Every sign screamed that if he let himself fall into the drowsiness, there was no telling whether or not he'd wake up again. Not with Shredder possibly lurking around.

Even so…

 _No!_ There were no exceptions or 'even so's. He had to stay conscious.

That was easier said than done when his head was swirling, his stomach was churning, and his ears were ringing. It was easier said than done when he thought of sleep that beckoned him into its awaiting grasps—the grasps that _could_ endanger his life.

If he kept himself up, however, he knew that his fatigue would only grow until he could no longer hold onto wakefulness. If he rested, he could regain his strength and possibly remember how he had ended up in such a place. If he let himself slide into the slumber that seemed so welcoming, he could give his mind time to heal and when he awoke he could make a break for it.

He struggled between the drowsiness and the side of him that fought to stay awake for safety when the metal door slowly creaked open and a shadow crept across the floor.

Karai.


	12. The Right Side

Karai stepped into the room and slammed the door behind her. The sound sent a pulse through Raph's skull, and he hardly realized it when she arrived a few feet in front of him.

"So," she said. "Katashi tells me that you're having a few difficulties…"

 _Katashi? Who the shell is that?_

"What am I doing here?" Raph demanded instantly, holding back the rising desire to lash out at her.

She nodded briefly, her eyes widening the slightest bit. She murmured something to herself that sounded a little like, "it's worse than I would've thought," before she continued speaking.

"Don't you remember?" she asked, tipping her head. "You turned against your brothers to join us."

"I'd never do something like that!" Raph argued.

Little did he know, Karai _was_ telling him the truth. It just wasn't the whole truth.

Karai gazed down at him, a look glimmering in her eyes that he couldn't place. "Yet you're here," she said, "and you're wearing that." She nodded to the leather strap across his scratched plastron.

He looked down and noticed the Foot emblem he wore for the first time. Raph shook his head incredulously and growled. This _had_ to be a trick!

"That's a nice story," he muttered, sarcasm burning into his words. "Now tell me what _really_ happened."

"You're accusing me of lying." This was not a question, but a statement-as well as a fact. Karai huffed and bent down in front of him. "I can't help that you made the decision that you did."

"Sure you can. Just let me leave."

"It doesn't work that way."

"What do ya mean 'it doesn't work that way'? If I really did join you, I can leave you." His temper was boiling, threatening to bubble over at any moment.

Karai shook her head. "You don't just _leave_ the Foot," she said. "Nobody leaves the Foot."

 _Well, that's about to change,_ Raph thought bitterly, his gaze flickering to the large metal door behind Karai; that seemed to be the only visible way out of this place…

She narrowed her eyes, turning to follow his gaze. A sigh escaped her and she turned back around. "You're the one who joined _us_ ," she tried to tell him.

A growl rumbled deep in Raph's throat. Karai didn't flinch.

"It's not all bad," she said. "You're on the _right_ side now."

There was a sense of placidity and comfort enveloping her words, but Raph didn't let it distract him. She would've been convincing to anybody besides him. He wouldn't fall for that.

"Just think about it," she continued in the same tone, "you don't have to put up with being treated lower or being left behind. You don't have to be held back—you want to do something here, you do it. You want to fight? That's more than welcomed. You want to steal? Go ahead."

Raph didn't know why, but he pondered that for a moment.

Leo didn't always let him have a good fight. Here, he could have one any time that he wanted to. Everything would be given to him…

 _No!_

This was _Shredder's_ place they were talking about. He couldn't give in to the temptations…

"I'm not interested, and you should know that," he muttered, trying to forget that he'd even given it a thought in the first place.

Karai stifled a sigh and stood up. "Alright," she said hollowly. "I'll give you some time to think about it. Get some rest; let your head clear up." She turned and briskly walked out, closing the door gently behind her.

Suspicion sparked in Raph like a wildfire. What the shell was she doing?!

This had to be a trap—a deception, a lie. She wouldn't just turn like that. People didn't change that fast!

Raph growled low and laid his head back against the crumbly brick wall. Questions filled his mind, making him second-guess himself.

What if he _had_ purposefully left his brothers? What if he _had_ betrayed them?

No. Why would he do that?

 _That'd be stupid. I'd never do somethin' like that…_

His gaze rested on the Foot emblem engraved into his apparel. Doubt rose from deep within him, and he pushed it away.

 _Karai. Was. Lying._

He repeated the statement slowly and clearly in his mind countless times. He had to get it into his thick head that he wouldn't betray his brothers.

 _Why'm I so_ worried _?!_

Raph wouldn't have ever listened to a word Karai said on normal day, so why was he listening now?

There was something about it all that seemed convincing. The way she spoke, the look in her gleaming eyes; the facts added up.

They didn't. They _didn't_ add up. There was only one problem in the situation.

 _He wouldn't do that in the first place._

Frustration seethed from within him and he snarled, trying to stop the inner-conflict raging between the stupid side of him that tried to convince him that he'd done something wrong and the side of him that knew he was completely loyal to his brothers. He always would be.

His gaze darted around the room, desperately searching for a way out of this place. He still couldn't help but wonder how he'd really ended up there.

The high amount of thinking wracked his brain and he winced at the pain.

 _Why does everything_ hurt _?_

He was confused, lost, stuck, pained, and another hundred emotions that overwhelmed him, cramming in his chest and taking up every part of him. His eyelids drooped at the drowsiness and stress that was weighing him down.

Raph wasn't sure why, but he felt as though his mind was filled with blanks. Empty gaps that were once filled. Holes in his mind that he felt should've been memory-consumed.

Shaking the vacant feeling away, he decided it was just the tiredness overcoming him.

As much as he didn't want to sleep due to his lack of trust, the waves of tiredness washing over him were comforting—calling out to him.

He finally gave in to the temptation and let his mind drift away, rocking gently with the sea of slumber.

As he'd begun to grow comfortable, the door opened and a figure stepped in. The sound jostled him from his sleep and sent another shock of pain through his throbbing head. He instantly brought a hand up, hoping to reduce the pain a little with the gesture.

"Hey, Raph," the familiar—but yet still unplaceable—masculine voice said softly. "I thought you may want to visit your brother…"


	13. Operation Breakout

Drowsiness drained from his body and pain was forgotten for a split-second—until he sharply lifted his head, that is.

"What?" Raph managed to choke out through the blinding confusion.

"Your brother," the man said. "I assumed you would want to visit him. If I was incorrect…" His voice trailed near the end of his unfinished sentence, obviously guessing that he wasn't wrong.

Raph shook himself, forgetting that it could be a trap. If his brother was here, he'd have to know! "No," he growled, doing his best to scramble to his feet.

The silhouetted figure darted to his side swiftly and helped him grasp a foothold with the concrete below.

"Who're you?" Raph asked in a low tone, unable to keep in the burning question.

There was a hesitant silence. "Katashi," the voice said slowly. "Are you feeling alright, Raph? Perhaps you should stay here and get some rest…"

"No," Raph argued.

 _So this's the "Katashi" Karai had spoken of._

Raph shrugged him away and tried to walk on his own. He struggled to not waver on his unsturdy legs, but he still did not accept help from Katashi. He could do it on his own.

Halfway through the walk down the dark corridor, the misty smoke wrapped around his skull finally let through a thin beam of light which was enough to set Raph off. His brain finally wondered whether or not it was a trap.

His legs stopped moving and he halted abruptly.

"Raph?" Katashi asked, anxiety sparking in his voice. "Raph, what's the matter?"

"I can't trust you," Raph muttered, his voice hardly more than a whisper.

Katashi relaxed and sighed, rolling his shoulders back. "Alright," he said, "I know you're having a few troubles, but you need to trust me. I understand that it's hard to hear that from a Foot soldier, but I assure you I'm only trying to reunite you with your brother for your visiting time."

Raph shook himself and shrugged it off. "Just tell me where he is," he stated.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that," Katashi said. "Not only are you unaware of the combination code, you're also not fit to travel yourself."

Raph emitted a low growl and huffed. "Fine," he muttered.

He walked in front of Katashi for a little while longer until they finally stopped outside of a large, bolted metal door.

A combination was punched into the keypad and the door swung open. Raph peered in and noticed a dark figure in the back. It shifted and a loud voice reverberated across the walls, battering at Raph's sensitive eardrums.

"Raph!"

"Mikey?" Raph asked just as he was practically bowled over by his little brother. "What're you doing here?"

Mikey stepped back, tipping his head. "We've been here months…" he said as the metal door closed behind Raph.

He winced. " _Months?"_ he asked, directing the question mainly to himself.

"Yeah, bro," Mikey said slowly, the slightest twinge of concern flickering in his voice. "Are you okay?"

Raph rubbed his head. "I…uh… I'm fine, Mikey… Just a headache…"

"Okay," Mikey said brightly, though his blue eyes stated that he wasn't as convinced as he voice tried to make him seem. There was a silence, and the next time he spoke, he was quieter and more serious. "Did you come up with a plan to get us out of here?" He tipped his head to one side in an almost eager manner.

"Plan?" Raph questioned to himself out loud. He pondered this for a moment, unable to remember that he was supposed to come up with a plan of any sort.

Mikey's form fell dismally and his gaze lowered to the ground. "Guess not…" he murmured. Then he added in an almost hopefully voice, "We're still gonna get out of here today, right?"

The need to escape their confinement shone brightly in Mikey's eyes, and Raph wasn't going to tell him no. He knew they needed to get out of there. They didn't have a plan, no, but winging it was typically something that Raph did as it was. He tried to tell himself it wouldn't be too difficult, but deep down he was unsure. It _was_ Shredder's after all. The Foot alone would be easy to take down, but if they happened across the master of the place...problems might occur. He didn't doubt them, but...the _four_ of them couldn't take down Shredder, so there was nothing at all suggested that _two_ of them could.

"Yeah," he said when he finally broke from his swirling thoughts. "We are."

"Great!" Mikey yelled, immediately covering his mouth and pulling it back only to say in a much quieter tone, "what do we do?"

Raph looked around the room briefly, trying to come up with something—anything—they could do to free themselves.

He turned to land his gaze back on his brother. "When that door opens," he started slowly, half-questioning whether or not he would be able to even move with his poor balance and aching mind, "you run. Take out anyone who stands in your way and don't stop until yer outta here."

"What about you?" Mikey asked quickly.

Footsteps from outside the door reverberated, slowly growing louder, signaling the approach of someone.

"I'll be right behind ya," Raph said. "I'll be behind ya, don't worry."

Mikey nodded fervently.

Raph rose to his feet and tried to keep steady; it didn't help that he was shaking with anticipation and the case of horrible balance he'd recently inherited for an unknown reason. Operating with unsturdy legs in the fog would be difficult, but he had to try.

He shot a glance to his brother. "Ready?" he asked in a quiet tone; they could hear the combination lock as someone punched a code into the keypad.

A subtle nod was the only reply that time deemed appropriate, for the next thing that happened was almost a complete blurr.

The haze in his mind blocked out a lot that went on, but Raph could feel himself throwing punches and pushing past Foot.

A hand seized his arm and his was caught off guard as someone ushered him off into another direction. He growled and tried to struggle away, eventually trying to attack, but his pursuer merely dodged.

A voice called out his name.

"Raph!" It sounded so distant—so far away. "Raph!"

His name was the last thing he heard before his slipped so far from consciousness that his mind couldn't process anything quickly enough anymore. He was awake, but barely.

 _This wasn't going well._


	14. The Hard Part

_"_ _Raph! Raph, stop!"_

Hazy green eyes blinked and darted around dazedly, trying to piece out where he was. A silhouetted figure was above him, holding on to one of his arms. He thrashed fanatically, trying to struggle away. He was ready to throw a punch until the familiar voice rang out in his ears.

"Raph! It's me!"

Raph shook himself and blinked, his vision clearing enough to recognize the figure hovering over him. "Ugh… Sorry, Mike…" he muttered. "How long was I out?"

"Not long," Mikey said quickly. "But you have to get up; they're coming."

Moving as quickly as his mind would let him, Raph scrambled to his feet. Mikey offered to help him, but he declined. If he was slow and was recaptured…

His brother wasn't coming back to Shredder's with him.

A chill ran up his spine at the thought of what might happen if they didn't make it back to the sewers.

"We can't lead 'em to our home," Raph said, struggling to keep moving. He shot a glance behind them. The Foot weren't on their tails, but they weren't too far behind either.

"C'mon," Raph grumbled, moving along the asphalt road as quickly as possible. Although he urged Mikey to move ahead, his brother didn't listen. Raph was unsure of why, but it ticked him off, and he ended up shouting at one point or another—"Mikey! Go ahead of me now!"—but that only helped the Foot to keep on their trail. He eventually gave up with a huff, his head aching and his mind screaming at him to shut up before the enemies gained on them.

They ran through the streets, doing their best to stick in the shadows but straying into visual range every now and again because of loss of focus—or maybe even fear or stress.

After many complicated turns into alleys and climbs of rooftops, the footsteps behind them eventually began to lessen until they were hardly audible. This was a good sign, signaling that either the Foot were giving up or backing down a little. Either way it was an advantage to the two.

Raph grabbed hold of Mikey's arm and leapt into a nearby alleyway, covering his garrulous brother's mouth and backing into the darkest of the shadows.

They watched as many of the Foot raced by, unbeknownst to the fact that their targets were hidden in the alley that they'd just run past. A few were cautious and slowly walked by, peering into the darkness suspiciously, but they didn't stop long enough to decipher figure from shadow.

Pulling his hand from Mikey's mouth, Raph crept forward out of the protection of the shade and peered around the corners daringly.

The streets were empty.

Raph turned and beckoned for Mikey to come out, gesturing that he climb up the nearby fire escape. He did as he was told, and Raph followed. An all-too familiar voice stopped him, though.

"Determined to break the idea that no Foot have ever left, huh?"

He dropped his gaze to the ground and immediately wished the speaker didn't have to be who it was—Karai.

Raph huffed and dropped to the ground, ignoring the yell of protest from his brother above.

He wasn't going to avoid the situation by running—she'd just chase them, and that defeated the purpose of keeping the Foot away from their home. He couldn't run and hide. Not anymore. He had to stand up and fight her.

His pounding head tried to convince him otherwise, but he pushed the opposing thoughts away and did his best to fight off the fog enveloping his mind.

"I'm not a member of the Foot," Raph growled, bringing his hand up to the sash across his plastron that bore the emblem that was despised—the emblem he'd had to put up with for longer than he knew—and he tore it off, letting it slip from his hand and land lifelessly across the ground. "And I'm never gonna be."

Raph reached for his Sai but realized they were not with him. He quickly looked around, searching to see if he'd dropped them. They were nowhere in sight.

He shook himself. It would be fine. He could take Karai down any day. With or without a weapon.

 _She'd be easy alone._

The moment that thought had pushed its way through the fog of his mind, another familiar figure slipped around the corner and drew Katana.

So much for Katashi being on his side.

Raph knew he shouldn't have ever trusted him. He didn't think about it, but he'd gone far because of the blind trust he'd shown towards Katashi.

With the two standing opposite of him, weapons drawn and brows furrowed, it seemed strangely like déjà vu for a reason that Raph was unsure of.

He pushed the feeling away and dodged just in time for an oncoming attack.

"Raph!"

"Not now, Mikey," Raph growled, connecting his fist with a face that he couldn't distinguish in the darkness.

There was a soft thud next to Raph as Mikey joined in on the fighting.

The big-brother side of Raph wanted Mikey to stay back and keep away from danger, but the other side of him continued to remind him that he needed all the help he could while he was in this state. The latter side needed to shut up. _I don't need help._

"Get back, Mike," Raph said, trying for a growl but only managing to mutter.

Mikey didn't reply, but he didn't obey either. _Why? WHY? What's his problem?_

Raph huffed and made his way over to his brother's side, keeping off Karai while Mikey dealt with Katashi.

Raph blinked and had to fight to keep his focus, which was quickly growing lost in the haze of his mind. Why'd his body feel the need to throw him into an unconscious state in that moment? It was the worst of all possible times!

Weakness washed over him and his legs began to shake. He managed to stay upright, but his mind was confused—unsure of where Karai would strike next. She got a blow in, striking his plastron; he dropped to his knees, blinking dazedly.

"Raph! Raph, don't go; I can't do this alone!"

The words were drenched in desperation, and they pulsed a temporary strength through Raph's veins. He wouldn't let Mikey do this by himself—he wouldn't let them be recaptured or killed.

He struggled to stand and the rest was mostly a blur. He knew he was fighting—he knew he was winning—but it wasn't _him_ moving. There was something else inside of him, urging him onward, fighting the battle for him. For Mikey.

When Raph could decipher what was going on, he was standing above an unconscious Karai. He blinked and looked over at Mikey. His brother knelt next to Katashi—who seemed to have the same fate as his partner.

Raph staggered over to Mikey, bringing a hand to his pained plastron, and dropped to his knees.

"Raph?"

"It's okay, Mikey…"

"I want to go home…"

"We will. We will right now."

"I don't ever want that to happen again," Mikey murmured, his voice hardly audible.

"It won't," Raph promised.

Mikey turned his glittering blue eyes to Raph as a tear slid down his face.

"It's okay," Raph repeated. "You're gonna be fine." Raph didn't know what had happened in the months they were captured that he, for some unknown reason, couldn't recall, but it had obviously taken a toll on his little brother...

Mikey nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Raph rose from his spot slowly and Mikey followed hurriedly. Blackness began to enclose Raph and he figured it'd be best to get home fast before it enveloped him completely.

But it was a little too late for that at this point.


	15. Recovery

_"_ _His brain might've taken it as an opportunity to forget what happened there."_

 _"_ _Will he be okay?"_

 _"_ _More than likely. It's just a minor concussion. He should probably refrain from training for a while to let his physical and mental wounds heal."_

Raph decided he must've blacked out. No matter how many times he told himself he wouldn't, he went and did it anyway.

He winced as he tried to sit up, opening his eyes the slightest bit.

"You're awake!"

The voice was excited—almost as excited as it was when the owner had found something that could help the team.

"Don?" Raph mumbled the name, bringing a hand immediately up to his spinning head.

He was pulled into a brief hug.

"You didn't catch up like you said you would," Donnie stated, a pained look painted across his face.

"Catch—what're you talking about?" Raph asked, forcing himself into a sitting position.

Donnie nodded shortly. "You had a concussion, Raph," he said, dropping the previous subject. "It's safe to assume that you've suffered from amnesia. Have you been experiencing any blackouts? Dizziness? Headaches?"

Raph nodded, furrowing his brow.

"Right. Do you remember anything that happened?"

Pondering this for a while, Raph finally stated, "I remember… Waking up in a room. A man came in—Katashi—talking about how I took a blow or something. Then Karai came in and tried to tell me I'd joined the Foot…"

He explained that Katashi had returned and taken him to see Mikey. From there, the two had escaped, running into a few difficulties along the way, and that was about all that he could recall of the situation.

Donnie bobbed his head. "Alright," he said.

"How are you feeling?"

Raph turned his head to look at Leo's scarred face. "Been better," he said gruffly.

"Uhm… Right. Well…it's great to have you back," Leo said, managing a small smile.

"Good to be back," Raph said. He then asked the burning question that was on his mind—"How long've I been gone?"

There was silence for a moment while Leo and Donnie exchanged glances.

"Three months," Donnie said finally.

" _Three months?!_ " Raph repeated in disbelief. How could he have been gone so long? How had he not busted out sooner?

He turned to look at Mikey, who sat quietly a little ways away—listening to the conversation but not joining in. "How long were you there?"

His brother's blue eyes looked off quickly to the side and he stated, "a month."

"How'd we get there?" Raph asked, gaze shooting back to Donnie. "What happened?"

The silence returned for a longer period of time before it was finally broken.

"We went on a patrol three months ago and ran into the Shredder… When we woke up, you weren't with us anymore," Donnie said simply.

Raph furrowed his brow, trying to remember.

"You'll probably recover from the amnesia after a while," Donnie said. "You'll remember then."

"You don't wanna remember," Mikey stated abruptly, inviting himself into the conversation.

All eyes landed on him.

"I'd give away my video games for...forever...if I could forget what happened there."

His tone was so grave it was impossible for Raph to even ask himself whether or not Mikey was kidding.

Everyone there but Mikey was oblivious as to what happened at Shredder's—and it was uncertain whether or not he would ever tell. If it was as traumatic as he put it up to be, the rest of the family would probably never hear the stories.

/

A month passed and Raph had recovered enough that Donnie would allow him to train for short periods of time—granted he was only able to train four days a week, but it was better than nothing.

His memory had fixed itself as well—though Mikey had been right; he wished it hadn't. The visions that flashed across his mind on a daily basis were gruesome, bloody, and detailed a little too much, even for Raph's liking. Even so, they beat the nightmares he endured almost every night.

Leo was probably the least affected by the whole ordeal, so it seemed. He quickly returned back to himself and seemed to be trying to pretend none of it ever happened.

Donnie was forced to remember because he worked with Raph every day. He even noted that Raph had muttered in his sleep since he'd come back—and that would certainly not help Donnie to forget the incident.

Mikey didn't speak of it at all, and whenever it was brought up for a various reason, he would make an excuse to leave the room. He may have been more affected than Raph was. Even after a month, Mikey seemed to be struggling. Sure, he'd gone back to the pranking, joking, and late-night video gaming, but it was all occasional. It was no longer daily routines.

Raph decided it would be best to let his brothers forget the incident. Well, let Donnie and Leo forget it as best as they could, anyway.

He and Mikey would be scarred for life. They'd never escape from the memories that had been burned into their minds.

Raph had a feeling the nightmares wouldn't ever go—they might stop occurring so often, but they'd always return. He was unsure as to whether or not Mikey endured the fears throughout the night, but Raph guessed that he did. He'd walked past his brother's room one late night and heard him murmuring for something to stop. Raph would've pried, but it was so near to when the incident had happened that he had left it alone and never mentioned it.

Splinter didn't bring it up too often, either. Possibly to reduce pressure on his sons. Whatever the reason, it was safe to assume he wanted to leave the past in the past and forget about it all. But he was wise enough to know that might never happen.

The rest of the family had the best chance to "forget" the incident. They'd remember it, but it wouldn't be as vivid as it was to the two who spend time in Shredder's prison-coming face-to-face with the man himself and struggling everyday to hold on, to find a new reason to fight once the old one was no longer motivating enough.

Raph and Mikey would be stuck with the memories forever. Neither of them intended on telling their family any details. Mikey was too corrupted by the incident to want to speak of it, and Raph didn't want to give details that might scar his brothers or his father.

Raph didn't even _think_ of it often; his mind occasionally wandered, but when that happened, he merely pushed away the thoughts and told himself to leave it be.

None of it _mattered_ , as he told himself.

It would all just be a huge mistake trapped in secrets that dwelled inside his and Mikey's minds; they were scarred—mentally and physically—but those scars wouldn't ever be thought of as what they truly were. The story behind them would be pushed aside as though it never happened.

They would never be anything more than bad memories.

There was nothing more to it than that. There never would be.


End file.
